The iPhone launched last Friday. So far, it's turning out to be crap. Here's 50 more reasons to continue not getting one.

1. It's the stupid users.
One woman got $100,000 to try to buy an entire store's stock on launch day.

2. It's the stupid users. - part II
She didn't realize the policy was 'Two per customer,' specifically to counter people like her.

3. It's the stupid users. - part III
... Pretty typical of Apple's customers, actually.

4. Problems from the get-go.
A remarkable 83% of users were unable to activate their iPhones on the first try.

5. Problems from the get-go. - part II
Many attribute this to problems with iTunes on Windows.

6. Problems from the get-go. - part III
iTunes is a piece of shit.

7. Problems from the get-go. - part IV
Linux users were unable to activate their iPhones at all.

8. Problems from the get-go. - part V
64-bit editions of Windows are not supported either.

9. Vaporware?
All of the reviews and pictures you've seen online are computer-generated.

10. How am I supposed to find people?
There is no contacts search. You have to scroll through the list (which could be dozens of pages long!) to select a contact.

11. How am I supposed to find people? - part II
For the social butterfly, this is a crippling omission.

12. Racism?
Black people have not been buying it. I wonder why.

13. Racism? - part II
Neither have Hispanics.

14. Racism? - part III
Or non-whites in general.

15. Overhyped, underperforming.
It does not, in fact, cure cancer.

16. Overhyped, underperforming. - part II
It does not, in fact, make phone calls.

17. Overhyped, underperforming. - part III
It does not, in fact, do anything before you activate it.

18. One less celebrity endorsement.
Steve Ballmer is not getting one.

19. One less celebrity endorsement. - part II
Harry Knowles, however, is.

20. Conspiracy?
How is it possible that a company that, less than ten years ago, needed Microsoft to bail it out with $150 million in cash, is now worth over $100 billion?

21. Or something more sinister?
... Without alien intervention?

22. I'm waiting for rev. 2
Do you all remember your first iPod? Back in 2001? And how it was a piece of shit that broke just after the warranty expired? And lacked basic functionality that all later models took for granted? And how you realized too late that you couldn't use it with a Windows computer at all? Yeah, it's sort of like that.

23. I'm waiting for rev. 2 - part II
Apparently you don't remember.

24. I'm waiting for rev. 2 - part III
In fact, you might be saying that I'm just making shit up.

25. I'm waiting for rev. 2 - part IV
You're wrong.

26. I'm waiting for rev. 2 - part V
Another instance of Apple's brainwashing overcoming facts.

27. Adding stuff to the calendar takes extra dicks.
There are several key apps that require multiple separate inputs to operate. This means that they are unusable by the one-handed customers.

28. Adding stuff to the calendar takes extra dicks. - part II
Speaking of which, just how are they supposed to use it in public?

29. People still agree...
Apple's OSX sucks.

30. Do I need to say it?
It still costs $600.

31. Yes, yes I do.
Let me say it again: $600.

32. To really drive it home.
It costs only $220 to make.

33. WHERE IS YOUR SECURITY NOW?!
The root password has already been hacked.

34. WHERE IS YOUR SECURITY NOW?!
For those unfamiliar with the term, in Unix (which OSX is based on) having 'root' access means that the user has complete access to system files. This means, for example, that they could delete critical components, or install malicious software, unrestricted. If a hacker has root access to your machine, you may as well just throw it out, because they own it now.

35. WHERE IS YOUR SECURITY NOW?! - part III
FYI, the password is dottie.

36. WHERE IS YOUR SECURITY NOW?! - part IV
And you know that all of the smug Mac OSX fanboys will keep insisting that the iPhone is secure.

37. Apple: 1; Humanitarian Efforts: 0
During the launch weekend, Apple sold an estimated 700,000 iPhones; during that same time period, 80,000 people starved to death.

38. Apple: 1; Humanitarian Efforts: 0 - part II
For the amount spent, every single one of those people could have been given enough hamburgers to fill a wading pool.

39. Apple: 1; Humanitarian Efforts: 0 - part III
Instead Apple pocketed over $200 million in pure profit.

40. In the wild.
There have already been cases of viruses being transmitted by the iPhone.

41. Sin.
The iPhone is sin.

42. Yes, siree.
Six. Hundred. Dollars. Six hundred frog-skins. Six hundred smackaroos. Six hundred burgers from McDonald's. You know how many that is? Let me put it this way: if you were to stack them one on top of the other, they would form a burger-tower 600 burgers high.

43. It gets worse.
After dropping $600, you're still locked in to a two-year contract with AT&T.

44. It gets worse. - part II
You get to pay $80 per month for that privilege.

45. It gets worse. - part III
Over two years, that will cost you over $1900.

46. It gets worse. - part IV
Total cost of iPhone: $2500.

47. It gets worse. - part V
Total cost of brand-fucking-new fully-loaded 15-inch MacBook Pro: $2500.

48. It gets worse. - part VI
And that's direct from Apple. If you shop around, you can get one for over $600 less. I guess you could use those savings to buy an iPhone.

49. Customer turnover.
The first used iPhones are already appearing on eBay. It took less than a week for users to decide they didn't really like it.

50. Customer turnover. - part II
Most realized they hated it before they even opened the box. That's some serious dissatisfaction, my friends.